he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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