i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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