so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
