You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
