Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
