what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize