Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We got so high we made milksteak
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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