i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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