She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
