Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
