If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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