the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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