where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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