dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
