I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
