I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
