So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
