so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
