Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
