speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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