everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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