nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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