Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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