Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
