I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
