I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
