Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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