my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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