Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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