playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
