well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
