We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
