Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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