your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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