Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you traded sex for a burrito?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
