You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
