I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
