Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
