i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
