I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
