dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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