Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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