Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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