they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
