So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
