and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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