I think my vagina is haunted
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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