I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize