its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize