i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
