you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
