Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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