apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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