is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
