so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
