I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
