Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
