Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
