i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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