Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
