I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
