Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
