so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
