508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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