someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
