So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
