Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
