His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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